8.15am: LAAAAST DAAAAYYY WOOOOHOOOOOOO!
8.30pm: Dear porridge,
I am writing to say thank you. Thank you, and goodbye. Without you, I do not think I would have made it through these 30 stomach-rumbling days - and for that I am eternally grateful.
However, there is simply no getting around the fact that, without a large helping of sugar/syrup/fruit or even salt, you taste like the smell of damp wool.
Best regards and kindest wishes,
Ruth xx
9.45am: Got to town on the work biscuit tin in celebration.
10.15am: Feel a weeeee bit sick.
1pm: M&S.
one tin of soup 45p
one crusty brown roll 31p
Total = 76p
Money left = £2.82
6.30pm: Vote.
6.45pm: Tesco's. Am feeling a bit lazy.
6.50pm: Hmmm what gifts will the reduced shelf offer up today?
6.52pm: Ah ha!
Buy:
one shepherds pie 60p (reduced from £1.50)
two carrots = 16p
Total = 76p
Money left = £2.06
7pm: Zing instant meal in microwave; chop and boil carrots.
7.15pm: Burn roof of mouth on searing-hot bubbling pie.
9pm: Realised never ate those 9p chicken flavoured noodles! Must try them.
9.05pm: Can confirm that 9p noodles are, as the kids say, mingin'.
9.pm-gone midnight: Watch the beginnings of an entirely unsatisfactory (for anyone) election result.
Friday
7am: Wake up to a hung parliament... and the possibility of absolutely stuffing my face.
Sunday 9 May 2010
day 29
8.23am: A woman necking a gigantic freshly-baked sausage roll sits next to me on train.
a) absolute torture as love sausage rolls
b) while am a HUGE fan of the sausage roll, even I don't include them in the pre-9am food category.
8.45am: Porridge lasts FOREVEEEER. However, am reaching the dusty section at bottom of bag. Once milk is added is entirely sludge.
8.55am: Grumpy man from neighbouring office (who was rather disgruntled at my exploding porridge all over work microwave a few weeks ago) walks in.
8.56am: Grumpy man looks at me eating porridge oats from a mug, sniggers in a "silly girl" kind of way, and walks out.
8.58am: Debate smearing rude words in porridge sludge on his office door.
1pm: Leftover value-rice-extravaganza. "That actually looks... okay" comments colleague, unwrapping her tub of prawn paella.
1.15pm: Today, it would seem, everyone has decided to bring in leftovers to demonstrate their culinary expertise. Am sandwiched between a steaming bowl of Thai green curry and a giant wedge of lasagne. Sigh.
1.30pm: Craving jalapeno peppers. Taste buds are clearly crying out for a damn good slapping.
3pm: Some absolute legend has brought in cake! Hurrah!
3.15pm: Mug of tea + chocolate cake = today's first true burst of happiness.
3.30pm: Being technical and proper, there does only appear to be enough cake for one piece per person.
3.35pm: Slyly chug down second piece. Surprisingly, don't feel the slightest bit of guilt.
6.15pm: Tesco’s. Bethnal Green Road.
one tin of value beans 15p
two potatoes 43p
Total = 58p
Money left = £3.58
7pm: Remaining value fish fingers + value beans + dollop of fluffy-but-dry mash = dinner fit for a king. Well ok dinner fit for a child. A child at the mercy of parents who refuse to pander to branding.
a) absolute torture as love sausage rolls
b) while am a HUGE fan of the sausage roll, even I don't include them in the pre-9am food category.
8.45am: Porridge lasts FOREVEEEER. However, am reaching the dusty section at bottom of bag. Once milk is added is entirely sludge.
8.55am: Grumpy man from neighbouring office (who was rather disgruntled at my exploding porridge all over work microwave a few weeks ago) walks in.
8.56am: Grumpy man looks at me eating porridge oats from a mug, sniggers in a "silly girl" kind of way, and walks out.
8.58am: Debate smearing rude words in porridge sludge on his office door.
1pm: Leftover value-rice-extravaganza. "That actually looks... okay" comments colleague, unwrapping her tub of prawn paella.
1.15pm: Today, it would seem, everyone has decided to bring in leftovers to demonstrate their culinary expertise. Am sandwiched between a steaming bowl of Thai green curry and a giant wedge of lasagne. Sigh.
1.30pm: Craving jalapeno peppers. Taste buds are clearly crying out for a damn good slapping.
3pm: Some absolute legend has brought in cake! Hurrah!
3.15pm: Mug of tea + chocolate cake = today's first true burst of happiness.
3.30pm: Being technical and proper, there does only appear to be enough cake for one piece per person.
3.35pm: Slyly chug down second piece. Surprisingly, don't feel the slightest bit of guilt.
6.15pm: Tesco’s. Bethnal Green Road.
one tin of value beans 15p
two potatoes 43p
Total = 58p
Money left = £3.58
7pm: Remaining value fish fingers + value beans + dollop of fluffy-but-dry mash = dinner fit for a king. Well ok dinner fit for a child. A child at the mercy of parents who refuse to pander to branding.
Wednesday 5 May 2010
day 28
7am: Who THE HELL is ringing me in the middle of the fecking night?!
7.01am: Oh. Alarm. (insert extremely tired face)
7.10am: Physically unable to open eyes.
7.15am: Need to get up. Really really need to get up.
Get up get up get up.
7.45am-8.45am: Somehow manage to transport self from bed in Bethnal Green to office in Bromley, via the shower, two tubes and a train.
8.47am: Assemble porridge oats/milk/mug concoction.
8.50am: Miss mouth and dispatch spoonful of soggy oats onto boobs.
8.55am: Fail to make top look clean.
9am: Put on hoody.
9.15am: Feel like a teenager on work experience.
1pm: Have too much work to do. Need vitamin injection. Give colleague who is off to supermarket £1, and request as much fresh fruit as £1 will allow.
1.15pm: Colleague returns with one banana, one orange and an apple. And no change. Hmmm. (Money left £5.43)
1.30pm: Squirt orange onto hoody.
1.45pm: Top up stomach with porridge. (And two office-Pound-Shop biscuits.)
6.15pm: Tesco's on Bethnal Green Road. A lovely place.
6.25pm: Buy:
one tin of chopped tomatoes 35p
one onion 9p
three carrots 30p
cabbage 53p
Total = £1.27
Money left = £4.16
6.45pm: Use rest of value rice, value pepper and value salt to make exceedingly value vegetable and rice extravaganza.
7.15am: Enough veggie rice left for lunch tomorrow – hurrah!
7.30pm: Not enough internet connection to stream an episode of The Wire – WHAT?!
7.31-8pm: Potter about (as Mum would say).
8.15pm: Spy chocolate on cousin's desk.
8.17pm: Eat bit of chocolate.
9.45pm: Cousin returns home.
10.05pm: Chat in cousin's bedroom.
10.10pm: Gladly accept cousin's kind offer of chocolate.
7.01am: Oh. Alarm. (insert extremely tired face)
7.10am: Physically unable to open eyes.
7.15am: Need to get up. Really really need to get up.
Get up get up get up.
7.45am-8.45am: Somehow manage to transport self from bed in Bethnal Green to office in Bromley, via the shower, two tubes and a train.
8.47am: Assemble porridge oats/milk/mug concoction.
8.50am: Miss mouth and dispatch spoonful of soggy oats onto boobs.
8.55am: Fail to make top look clean.
9am: Put on hoody.
9.15am: Feel like a teenager on work experience.
1pm: Have too much work to do. Need vitamin injection. Give colleague who is off to supermarket £1, and request as much fresh fruit as £1 will allow.
1.15pm: Colleague returns with one banana, one orange and an apple. And no change. Hmmm. (Money left £5.43)
1.30pm: Squirt orange onto hoody.
1.45pm: Top up stomach with porridge. (And two office-Pound-Shop biscuits.)
6.15pm: Tesco's on Bethnal Green Road. A lovely place.
6.25pm: Buy:
one tin of chopped tomatoes 35p
one onion 9p
three carrots 30p
cabbage 53p
Total = £1.27
Money left = £4.16
6.45pm: Use rest of value rice, value pepper and value salt to make exceedingly value vegetable and rice extravaganza.
7.15am: Enough veggie rice left for lunch tomorrow – hurrah!
7.30pm: Not enough internet connection to stream an episode of The Wire – WHAT?!
7.31-8pm: Potter about (as Mum would say).
8.15pm: Spy chocolate on cousin's desk.
8.17pm: Eat bit of chocolate.
9.45pm: Cousin returns home.
10.05pm: Chat in cousin's bedroom.
10.10pm: Gladly accept cousin's kind offer of chocolate.
Tuesday 4 May 2010
day 27
10.15am: Monday morning and still in bed. Thank the Lord for lazy banks.
10.30am: Porriiiiidge.
12pm: Head to East Dulwich to admire boyfriend's sister's shiny new flat.
1.10pm: Eagerly accept offer of lunch.
1.30pm: Watch Josie whip up a batch of asparagus tarts.
2pm: Stuff face with asparagus tart, freshly baked artisan bread, humous and assorted salad. Thank the Lord for boyfriend's sisters.
3.30pm: Wander around East Dulwich in gentle sunshine feeling lovely and full. Aaah.
3.45pm: Go to pub (The Bishop) and nurse a misty pint of water while everyone else enjoys a beer. Sigh.
5.30pm: Pop into Sainsbury’s on way home.
Buy:
one tomato 16p
some rapidly wilting lettuce leaves (reduced) 50p
value veggie burgers £1
Total = £1.66
Money left = £6.43
7.30pm: Combine value vegie burgers, salad bits and moderately stale bread buns from the party to make vaguely healthy dinner.
8.15pm: Watch more of The Wire.
8.19pm: Kind of wish I owned a gun.
8.22pm: Definitely wish I was a secret agent.
10.30am: Porriiiiidge.
12pm: Head to East Dulwich to admire boyfriend's sister's shiny new flat.
1.10pm: Eagerly accept offer of lunch.
1.30pm: Watch Josie whip up a batch of asparagus tarts.
2pm: Stuff face with asparagus tart, freshly baked artisan bread, humous and assorted salad. Thank the Lord for boyfriend's sisters.
3.30pm: Wander around East Dulwich in gentle sunshine feeling lovely and full. Aaah.
3.45pm: Go to pub (The Bishop) and nurse a misty pint of water while everyone else enjoys a beer. Sigh.
5.30pm: Pop into Sainsbury’s on way home.
Buy:
one tomato 16p
some rapidly wilting lettuce leaves (reduced) 50p
value veggie burgers £1
Total = £1.66
Money left = £6.43
7.30pm: Combine value vegie burgers, salad bits and moderately stale bread buns from the party to make vaguely healthy dinner.
8.15pm: Watch more of The Wire.
8.19pm: Kind of wish I owned a gun.
8.22pm: Definitely wish I was a secret agent.
day 26
10.30am: Un. Be. Lieeeevable headache.
10.35am: Alex is a little alarmed to wake up next to myself and boyfriend.
10.45am: Unravel goings on of the night.
10.50am: Random conversation about cheese.
10.55am: Decide that it's quite nice to have an extra person to chat to in the mornings. Alex suggests we have regular visitors (no Mum, not in a sexual way) a bit like Desert Island Discs.
11am-2pm: Sleep.
2pm-4pm: Clean.
5pm: Make large sausage sandwich from party leftovers.
6pm-8pm: Lollop around, feeling generally useless.
8.10pm: Porridge. Surprisingly, this is exactly what I feel like.
8.30pm: Watch, and get utterly hooked by, The Wire.
8.45pm: Slightly stale leftover birthday cake.
10.35am: Alex is a little alarmed to wake up next to myself and boyfriend.
10.45am: Unravel goings on of the night.
10.50am: Random conversation about cheese.
10.55am: Decide that it's quite nice to have an extra person to chat to in the mornings. Alex suggests we have regular visitors (no Mum, not in a sexual way) a bit like Desert Island Discs.
11am-2pm: Sleep.
2pm-4pm: Clean.
5pm: Make large sausage sandwich from party leftovers.
6pm-8pm: Lollop around, feeling generally useless.
8.10pm: Porridge. Surprisingly, this is exactly what I feel like.
8.30pm: Watch, and get utterly hooked by, The Wire.
8.45pm: Slightly stale leftover birthday cake.
day 25
10.30am: Yawn.
10.40am: Can still taste battered sausage. Clean teeth three times.
11.30am: Meander around shops with boyfriend and stop him from spending a considerable amount of money on clothes that look exactly the same as clothes he already has.
11.45am: Have had no breakfast. Pick up a banana from Tesco’s (15p; money left £10.33).
12.30pm: Torture self by walking around more clothes shops.
1pm: Party at boyfriend's house later. Can't turn up empty handed.
1.10pm-1.30pm: Scan Sainsbury's for cheapest booze.
1.45pm: Leave Sainsbury's with a bottle of blackcurrant flavour sparkling wine (£2.24; money left £8.09).
2pm-3.30pm: Little nap. (Allowed on Saturdays.)
4pm: Decide not to pop open the value fizzy blackcurrant until everyone else has had a few drinks - less obvious.
5pm: Pop.
5.03pm: Tastes like cheap Ribena. So not awful... but not great.
5.15pm: This is surprisingly drinkable. Pour second glass.
5.17pm: Offer around blackcurrant fizz.
5.20mp: Absolutely no takers.
6pm: BBQ rained off so meat-cooking frenzy in kitchen.
6.30pm: Burgers and sausages. Mmmmmmmmmeat! With the battered sausage last night, and birthday BBQ today, meat cravings = fully satisfied.
7pm: Massive sugar high from bottle of virtually-non-alcoholic-fizzy-fake-ribena wine.
7.30pm: Birthday boy has bought A LOT of wine for the occasion.
7.35pm: Wine.
8pm: Silly dancing.
9pm: Birthday cake and silly singing.
9.15pm: A second birthday cake and even more silly singing.
9.30pm: Silly dancing.
9.45pm: Somehow have acquired another wine.
10pm: Silly dancing.
10.45pm: More wine.
11pm: Silly dancing.
11.30pm-4am: Blur of silly dancing and wine.
5am: Bedtime.
5.01am: Boyfriend's friend Alex is passed out on our bed - width ways.
5.05am: Shuffle Alex across. Lie down.
10.40am: Can still taste battered sausage. Clean teeth three times.
11.30am: Meander around shops with boyfriend and stop him from spending a considerable amount of money on clothes that look exactly the same as clothes he already has.
11.45am: Have had no breakfast. Pick up a banana from Tesco’s (15p; money left £10.33).
12.30pm: Torture self by walking around more clothes shops.
1pm: Party at boyfriend's house later. Can't turn up empty handed.
1.10pm-1.30pm: Scan Sainsbury's for cheapest booze.
1.45pm: Leave Sainsbury's with a bottle of blackcurrant flavour sparkling wine (£2.24; money left £8.09).
2pm-3.30pm: Little nap. (Allowed on Saturdays.)
4pm: Decide not to pop open the value fizzy blackcurrant until everyone else has had a few drinks - less obvious.
5pm: Pop.
5.03pm: Tastes like cheap Ribena. So not awful... but not great.
5.15pm: This is surprisingly drinkable. Pour second glass.
5.17pm: Offer around blackcurrant fizz.
5.20mp: Absolutely no takers.
6pm: BBQ rained off so meat-cooking frenzy in kitchen.
6.30pm: Burgers and sausages. Mmmmmmmmmeat! With the battered sausage last night, and birthday BBQ today, meat cravings = fully satisfied.
7pm: Massive sugar high from bottle of virtually-non-alcoholic-fizzy-fake-ribena wine.
7.30pm: Birthday boy has bought A LOT of wine for the occasion.
7.35pm: Wine.
8pm: Silly dancing.
9pm: Birthday cake and silly singing.
9.15pm: A second birthday cake and even more silly singing.
9.30pm: Silly dancing.
9.45pm: Somehow have acquired another wine.
10pm: Silly dancing.
10.45pm: More wine.
11pm: Silly dancing.
11.30pm-4am: Blur of silly dancing and wine.
5am: Bedtime.
5.01am: Boyfriend's friend Alex is passed out on our bed - width ways.
5.05am: Shuffle Alex across. Lie down.
day 24
8am: For those who have ever wondered whether it is possible to get stuck on two 'defective' tube trains in a row, and start your day by sweating underground for over 40 minutes, I can confirm yes, yes it is.
8.45am: Porridge, porridge, where for art thou porridge?
8.50am: Ah ha - someone has hidden you behind a box of green tea.
8.55am: Would porridge by any other name taste as bland?
8.56am: Yes.
9am: Friday morning biscuit treat from the office hoard.
1pm: Decline colleagues' invitation to a Friday lunchtime Nandos outing, and opt for my M&S high-brow tomato and fresh brown roll staple. (total = 69p; money left = £11.68).
6pm: Tube rage, of the highest degree.
7pm: Acting on a highly random Friday night whim, boyfriend fancies trying out new swanky-looking fish n chip joint down the road.
7.05pm: Er, £5.50 for a piece of battered fish?!?!?! Opt for a battered sausage (£1.20; money left £10.48).
7.15pm: Try best to ignore boyfriend tucking into large portion of chips topped with large piece of battered cod.
7.20pm: This really is a top notch battered sausage.
7.22pm: Nick some of boyfriend's chips.
7.24pm: Nick some more of boyfriend’s chips.
8pm: Porridge.
8.45am: Porridge, porridge, where for art thou porridge?
8.50am: Ah ha - someone has hidden you behind a box of green tea.
8.55am: Would porridge by any other name taste as bland?
8.56am: Yes.
9am: Friday morning biscuit treat from the office hoard.
1pm: Decline colleagues' invitation to a Friday lunchtime Nandos outing, and opt for my M&S high-brow tomato and fresh brown roll staple. (total = 69p; money left = £11.68).
6pm: Tube rage, of the highest degree.
7pm: Acting on a highly random Friday night whim, boyfriend fancies trying out new swanky-looking fish n chip joint down the road.
7.05pm: Er, £5.50 for a piece of battered fish?!?!?! Opt for a battered sausage (£1.20; money left £10.48).
7.15pm: Try best to ignore boyfriend tucking into large portion of chips topped with large piece of battered cod.
7.20pm: This really is a top notch battered sausage.
7.22pm: Nick some of boyfriend's chips.
7.24pm: Nick some more of boyfriend’s chips.
8pm: Porridge.
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