day 25

10.30am: Yawn.

10.40am: Can still taste battered sausage. Clean teeth three times.

11.30am: Meander around shops with boyfriend and stop him from spending a considerable amount of money on clothes that look exactly the same as clothes he already has.

11.45am: Have had no breakfast. Pick up a banana from Tesco’s (15p; money left £10.33).

12.30pm: Torture self by walking around more clothes shops.

1pm: Party at boyfriend's house later. Can't turn up empty handed.

1.10pm-1.30pm: Scan Sainsbury's for cheapest booze.

1.45pm: Leave Sainsbury's with a bottle of blackcurrant flavour sparkling wine (£2.24; money left £8.09).

2pm-3.30pm: Little nap. (Allowed on Saturdays.)

4pm: Decide not to pop open the value fizzy blackcurrant until everyone else has had a few drinks - less obvious.

5pm: Pop.

5.03pm: Tastes like cheap Ribena. So not awful... but not great.

5.15pm: This is surprisingly drinkable. Pour second glass.

5.17pm: Offer around blackcurrant fizz.

5.20mp: Absolutely no takers.

6pm: BBQ rained off so meat-cooking frenzy in kitchen.

6.30pm: Burgers and sausages. Mmmmmmmmmeat! With the battered sausage last night, and birthday BBQ today, meat cravings = fully satisfied.

7pm: Massive sugar high from bottle of virtually-non-alcoholic-fizzy-fake-ribena wine.

7.30pm: Birthday boy has bought A LOT of wine for the occasion.

7.35pm: Wine.

8pm: Silly dancing.

9pm: Birthday cake and silly singing.

9.15pm: A second birthday cake and even more silly singing.

9.30pm: Silly dancing.

9.45pm: Somehow have acquired another wine.

10pm: Silly dancing.

10.45pm: More wine.

11pm: Silly dancing.

11.30pm-4am: Blur of silly dancing and wine.

5am: Bedtime.

5.01am: Boyfriend's friend Alex is passed out on our bed - width ways.

5.05am: Shuffle Alex across. Lie down.