day 8

8am: Bread has definitely got denser overnight. Start eating a small slice.

8.10am: Finish eating slice. Jaw ache and very thirsty. Drink pint of water.

11am: Colleague flaunts her humous, tauntingly.

1pm: Still feel ill. Batch of lentil and cabbage soup I've brought in doesn't seem all that appealing.

1.10pm: Purchase toast and peanut butter from grumpy girls in cafe.

Money spent: 80p

Total left: £22.53

6pm: Head to Cafe de Paris in the West End for media event run by Bermudan tourist board - am very tired, and want bed, but have heard rumours of there being free food.

6.30pm: Delight at sight of man brandishing tray of mini goats' cheese tarts. Take two.

6.31pm: Quick debate with colleague on canapé etiquette. Decide is almost certainly wrong to take more than one at a time.

6.32pm: Canapé spoons loaded with lobster.

6.34pm: Sea bass belinis. Take one, chew fast, take another when think waitress isn't looking.

6.35pm: More goats' cheese.

6.38pm: Cubes of steak on potato topped with Dijon mustard.

6.39pm: Lobster.

6.40pm: Crab cake with salsa.

6.41pm: Goats' cheese.

6.42pm: Steak cubes x 2.

6.45pm: Sea bass.

6.48pm: Lobster.

6.51pm: Goats' cheese.

6.55pm: Crab cake x 2.

6.57pm: Goats' cheese.

7pm: Suddenly feel very full, and a little bit nauseous.

7.15pm: Think may faint and/or vomit.

7.20pm: Decide may need looking after.

8pm: Arrive on boyfriend's doorstep looking extremely sorry for self.

8.15pm: Agree, with pathetic childlike pouting, that lobster, goats' cheese and steak cocktail was probably not wisest choice when recovering from stomach bug, even if was free.